'She moves in, I move out. Full stop': New homeowners sideswiped when their mother-in-law announces she's moving in to their spare room, putting the couple on blast at Thanksgiving

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  • Fubaryall "She moves in, I move out!" Full stop.
  • Bad mother in law watching her son argue with his wife
  • My MIL announced at family dinner that she's moving in with us and we never agreed to this
  • TL;DR: MIL announced at family dinner in front of everyone that she's moving into our house. We never discussed or agreed to this. She's already told her landlord she's leaving
  • and started packing. Entire family is pressuring us to "not make her homeless" even though she made this decision unilaterally. MIL keeps texting about furniture for "her room."
  • Am I crazy or is this completely insane? My husband Derek (34M) and I (32F) bought our first house about 6 months ago. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath. We've been fixing it up, making it our own. We love it.
  • We were at Derek's parents' house for Sunday dinner. The whole family was there, like 15 people. Derek's mom Linda was talking about how her apartment lease is coming up and she's thinking about downsizing.
  • Then she just casually announces "So I've decided I'm going to move in with Derek and Riley! Isn't that wonderful?"
  • Everyone started clapping and congratulating us. Derek's dad said "That's so generous of you two." Derek's sister said "Oh mom will love having that extra bedroom!"
  • Derek and I just looked at each other. We never discussed this. She never asked. She just announced it to the entire family like it was already decided.
  • Mother in law looking at a young couple
  • I tried to speak up but Linda was already talking about how she's been packing, how she told her landlord she's not renewing, how excited she is to "help around the house" and "spend more time with her son."
  • After dinner I pulled Derek aside and said we need to talk to your mom. We never agreed to this. He said "I know, I was shocked too. We'll talk to her."
  • We tried. We really did. We pulled Linda aside and Derek said "Mom, we appreciate the thought but we haven't talked about this. We're not ready for a roommate."
  • Linda's face crumpled. She started crying. Said she thought family took care of family. That she's getting older and lonely. That we have "that extra bedroom just sitting empty" and she "wouldn't be any trouble."
  • Derek tried to stay firm but she kept crying and saying she'd already told her landlord and started packing and what was she supposed to do now?
  • Derek's dad came over and said "You're really going to make your mother homeless?" She's not going to be homeless. She has two months left on her lease. She
  • can renew it or find another apartment. But apparently I'm the villain for not wanting my MIL to move into our house without asking.
  • Since Sunday, Linda has texted me furniture dimensions asking what will fit in "her room." She sent paint color samples. She asked about closet space.
  • The family group chat is full of people congratulating us for "taking in" Linda and saying how sweet we are. When I try to say we didn't actually agree to this, people act like I'm being cold.
  • Derek's sister called and said "Just let her stay. She's lonely and you have the space. Why are you being so difficult?"
  • Derek is stressed. He knows we didn't agree to this but he feels guilty telling his mom no when she's already committed to leaving her apartment.
  • I feel like I'm going crazy. She ANNOUNCED she was moving in. To our house. Without asking. And now everyone is acting like WE'RE the bad guys for not welcoming this with open arms.
  • Signal-Candy7724 . Volunteer someone else to take her in. That is absolutely insane and rude of her to do. No consideration or respect for you and your husband whatsoever. Absolutely not. Do not let her move in. Stand firm, because once she gets away with this it will escalate.

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